The Gifts of Appendicitis (or Don't Waste a Good Crisis)

I was looking forward to my birthday in May this year because turning 46 meant I have been practicing Yoga for half of my life! I had some ideas about different ways I would share and celebrate that with you. When my birthday arrived however, life had other plans. 

In truth, I hadn't been feeling right for awhile, but who was, right? Many people I know have been feeling similarly and much worse. In my case though, putting my stress/blah feeling/brain fog/general lethargy into the category of "who isn't feeling this way?" I missed out on valuable information that my body was trying to communicate.

If you asked me what my intention was for my new year and journey around the sun, I would have told you it was, "Radiant Health". This was to be the year where I began to bring my attention in closer as the fears of the past few years started to loosen their grasp. 

I had several days of feeling truly blessed and celebrating my birthday with loved ones. When the clock turned from my birthday to the next day, something drastically switched in my body which led to the ER and being admitted into the hospital. Over the past months since I have seen the inside of the hospital more than I ever have in my life combined. Being in the ER in the middle of the night,  (which I have 3 times recently) has given me a new level of gratitude for my health and life. It wasn't "Radiant Health, but it was one gift I've received. 

The next enormous gift was the space I had to heal. This was largely due to my family, my sister who kept the studio going, and the teachers who covered my classes. Internally it also was dependent on giving myself permission, which was deeper work than I realized. There was/is so much deeply wound in my beliefs system here. It's something I am continuing to practice with. 

Another gift was my privilege and level of resources. I have a family and a boyfriend who took immaculate care of me and a very comfortable apartment. I have insurance and a doctor who believes in supporting the body's ability to heal itself so I was bolstered with IVs of vitamin C. I have a nutritionist who offered a plan for acute healing and then a 30 day plan to get deep into the roots of my dis-ease. I have an acupuncturist who I saw every week who treated me in the deeper whole-human-view that Chinese medicine does so well. I have worked with several energy healers who untangled my energy. I have a mom who brought me up with so such a great example and experience of healing with food that I knew it was the best way for me to heal from the core. 

I am several months out and my body has shed a lot. What I am experiencing now is much more energy than I've had in a long time, yet also the desire to do less. I've realized how much space I need to truly process everything it takes to run a business AND be a human in the world. I don't have the desire or ability to live as I believed I "should" before. That was not radiantly healthy for me. 

2 years ago, I became a integrated nutritional health coach. When I began in January of 2020,  I was excited to have the training to share the holistic approach to health I so believe in. I had no idea that the whole world was about to change and how much that would affect the collective (and my own) levels of health. Many times since then, I have doubted that in my burned out state I could offer any value to others. It is in the practice of climbing out of this pit at the rate of healing that makes me see it in a different light. Just as having injuries and working closely with others who have has made me a better Yoga instructor, I believe that my healing crisis is broadening my ability to connect with others with similar desires for their health and lives. 

In the Aligned Flow® Yoga Teachers Community Group (a collective of teachers who study Yoga philosophy, teach, and share feedback) this year we have been reading The Yamas and Niyamas from Deborah Adele. Right after I got sick there was a quote in the chapter we were reading that said, "Don't waste a good crisis." What she was saying is that a crisis offers a perspective that seems to so quickly clarify what is a priority for us. In this dark time, we have an opportunity to seize that energy and clarity to use it for lasting change or not. I chose not to waste it, and my life and view have radically shifted. 

I believe, more than ever, that our bodies can heal themselves when given the tools we need, and that we each have a unique makeup and health story that has led to our current state of wellness. It easy to get caught up in the strong current of whatever is noisiest on the outside, rather than find the space to listen closely to the quiet signs our bodies are communicating all of the time. I am finding my own way to Radiant Health through a crisis I wouldn't have chosen, but I'm so very grateful for. 

I intend to share some of the simple and easy to access tools that I have used and have linked some of my resources within this blog, but if you have any questions at all, please reach out! I will be glad to share! 

I am about to lead the Aligned Flow® 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training in September and am beyond thrilled to begin from this deeper, energized space. If you are interested in deepening your own practice or sharing your love of Yoga with others, you can find more information here!